God Doesn't Care

I haven't done much public writing lately.  Lots of private - but little public.  Much of what I'm processing lately is very personal and too fresh, so I'm writing - and maybe someday I'll share it.  But here's something God hit me with recently that I have freedom to share.

As most of you know, my youngest is on the work-my-butt-off track to rock stardom.  He is passionate - driven -  and talented.  He'll get there, I believe that.  

One of the things that entails is that he sings in lots of little out-of-the-way, dark, dive-y places around Oklahoma City, for little to no money.  So, that, along with trying to graduate from high school, all of us working regular jobs and trying to help him reach his goal of spending a good portion of time in India later this year, figuring out how Brian can go for the first part of that trip, (and then, just for good measure, some emotional/relational/painful stuff thrown in) means it's a little nuts around here right now for all of us.

A couple of weeks ago, he had a show in OKC and I was meeting him there (already up there for work).  He calls because he's missed an exit in unfamiliar territory, his engine light has come on, the car is acting really wonky (side note: we just paid nearly $2000.00 to fix this old car) and he's in the middle of rush hour traffic.  We shortly got all that settled and him to a safe place, but in the conversation that followed he said something along the lines of, "I'm trying to do what's right, I've prayed about this, but it doesn't seem to matter and things always seem to go wrong because, apparently, God doesn't care about my car."

I didn't have an answer because, honestly?  Honestly, I feel the same way.  

Michael Wells used to say (to God), after a series of really unpleasant experiences that God was clearly strong enough and capable enough to intervene in, but did not -  "THIS is why people don't like You!"  I've been saying that a lot too.

Life is hard.

Life isn't fair.

He could intervene in our inconveniences, our problems, our sickness, our relational battles, our pain - yet, often, He does not.

So - after being struck by what Dylan said, realizing how strongly I also believed it, and meditating on that for a couple of days - I came to this conclusion -- 

God doesn't care about my car.

I think we've fooled ourselves into believing that if we're obedient, if we're faithful, if we follow the rules, God owes us a blessed life.  (And by "blessed", I mean our definition - free of problems, sickness and trials, lots of money and beautiful, intelligent people surrounding us that always do things our way and make sure we feel good about ourselves at all times.)

"He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, rain to fall on the righteous and the unrighteous."


"In this world you will have trouble." 

He doesn't care about my car - but He does care about me.  

He's concerned with me becoming who He made me to be, becoming like His Son; with us living in relationship with Him and the community of faith, the Church; with us being light in a dark world, salt in a decaying world; beacons that point broken people to Jesus; the hands and feet of Jesus to the marginalized and vulnerable.  And we don't learn that through a life that's always wine and roses. 

How I react - what I learn - when the car breaks down in the midst of a life that doesn't have the time or the money to handle it - He's concerned about that.



Life is going to throw us crap.  Everybody gets it.  It varies from person to person, family to family, but we all get it.  Righteous and unrighteous.  Christ followers and not.  Evil and good.  We all get it.  It's the result of living in a fallen, broken world.  People hurt us, our bodies fail us, stupid people will never go away, our stuff breaks.  None of it was meant to last - and none of it will.

But do we "mourn as those who have no hope?" 

That's what God cares about.  Who am I becoming in the midst of this crap-fest?  

 - Do I trust Him to show me how to have hope when there seems to be none 

 - Will I trust in the One who is enough when I am not 

 - Will I have the courage to be vulnerable again when I've been hurt for the thousandth time

 - Will I continue to consider others when life's difficulties have made me want to just turn inward and live in perpetual self-pity

 - Will I get up again when I've failed horribly, because I follow a God of redemption and    second-chances 

 - Will I rest in the eternal when all things temporal fail me

I do believe He is determined to see us through to the end on THAT. 

He cares about THAT.

It's More Important Than We Think

Our words matter.

The words of the godly are a life-giving fountain; the words of the wicked conceal violent intentions.

They matter at work and at church.

And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness.

They matter at the grocery store and with my husband.

The lips of the godly speak helpful words, but the mouth of the wicked speaks perverse words.

They matter on Facebook and in how I speak to my kids.

Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.

They matter on Twitter and when I feel compelled to slander or gossip.

No one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right!

They matter. 

I tell you, on the day of judgment you will have to give an account for every careless word you utter.

God places a premium on our words.  We would do well to remember that.

He's Big Enough

Things seemed so clear, concise, packaged, black and white.

Goals are set - (God's goals, we tell ourselves), we know the steps to reach them and we're pursuing them with the greatest of intentions and passion.  Life is mapped out - crystal clear and beautiful.

Then something happens -- life happens.

You realize that you're a broken person, living in partnership with another broken person, raising broken little people.  The life we planned rarely (Rarely?  Never.) lays out perfectly.  People, moves, heartbreaks, successes, failures, jobs, friendships, illness, stuff... it happens, and it changes our ideal.

And yes, we've been redeemed, the Spirit of the Living God resides in us.  All power that I need to live the life He's called me to is here for me - it's in me.  For that I am eternally grateful.  We have what we need from a God that has it figured out.  But I don't have it figured out.

I'm a person living with a soul that sometimes turns from what I know and lives in fear, pursuing what I believe I need to protect myself and my family.  At risk to the very ones I want to protect, I run on the endless hamster-wheel of trying to control every aspect of my life and everyone else's...often running over the very ones I want to protect.  I forget to lay down, as Richard Foster says, "the everlasting burden of always needing to manage others."

I'm not saying we should just let our children run like wild banshees without boundaries or training.  Not at all.  God's given them to us and we must be good stewards of the precious lives entrusted to us. We must do our best to put wisdom into them, live by example what it means to be a follower of Christ, teach them discipline and humility - (all that good-parent stuff).  But when boundaries are set by my desire to control, or out of fear, when failure to live up to my "standards" brings shame and condemnation rather than guidance, grace and redemption, I've forgotten their God is still in charge here.  I've forgotten He has plans I cannot imagine - plans that are way better than any I could dream up.  I've lived in fear instead of love.

I'm grateful for beautiful children and a husband that loves me.  I'm thankful that we're all friends and we can have wonderful, laughter-filled times together.  I'm also freaked out that they are slipping out of the grasp of my control - or at least my illusions of control. Corrie Ten Boom said, “Hold everything in your hands lightly, otherwise it hurts when God pries your fingers open.”   

As I look into the faces of our two grown children and one we're about to launch out of a huge India-facing sling shot into adulthood, I'm completely overwhelmed, completely terrified and completely humbled.  

I realize that I lived in fear much of the time, often creating rules, laws, boundaries and agendas to try and keep my broken little ones from making some of the same mistakes we made (or that they'll make up new ones I never even thought of).  I had this "perfect" picture in my head of what things would look like and worked to make it so, instead of trusting God for the outcome.  God is prying my fingers open.  And I'm glad. Holding that tightly is exhausting.  

I forget that the big God that redeems my mistakes, my sins, my failures is the same big God that will redeem theirs. 

I forget that this is their journey and it will look different than mine. 

I forget that the big God that is not intimidated by my doubts and wrestlings, is also not intimidated by theirs.


I forget that if they don't look exactly like I envisioned it when we started out - that's okay.  It's better.  It's great even.  God knows them way better than I do, and He's got this.

He's big enough.

They Will Know Us...

Why so much hate?

Why, when there is disagreement, does it have to so quickly descend to the lowest common denominator of hate, belittling and insult?

It isn't even just "the big stuff" anymore - it's everything.  From the state of our nation (important) to how you wear your hair, the music you like, what kind of car you drive, the way you looked at me when we passed in the hall (not important).

There are important issues in our country, in our communities, in our schools, in our churches, around our dinner tables.


Health care
Gun control
Constitutional rights
Gay rights
Abortion
Science
Doctrine
Welfare
Social Security
Politics of every imaginable stripe

And they are important.   They do matter.  And they DO need to be discussed.  Sometimes in lively, animated ways.  I have some strong opinions about more than a few of them.  But I am so deeply saddened by some of the things I see on facebook and twitter, hear on television, hear from people I usually admire (at least until I see them in a war of words), that display so much hate in their disagreement.  You can call it whatever you like - "I just have a strong personality." "This is too important to dance around." "They're just too sensitive." "Truth is truth, no matter who it hurts." "If they weren't so stupid/blind/misguided, I wouldn't have to approach it this way." - but it is hate.

And I see it on both sides.  Nobody seems to hold exclusive rights to ignorance and hate when it comes to voicing our opinions.

Do you really believe that this behavior will cause someone to wake up and say, "Oh, I see my ignorance and blindness now.  Thank you for showing me, in such an unlovely way, my complete idiocy." ?  

I've never heard anyone say they were changed, for the better, by acts or words of condescension and judgment.  Never.  Not once.

Again - I've seen it on both sides - just in recent days and weeks - from every possible angle.

• An abortion rights video that made me want to cry for its mocking of life and the people that stand on the other side of the fence from them.  I've also seen pro-life videos that made me want to scream because they are so incredibly judgmental and devoid of love.
• Gay rights/marriage equality issues are addressed, from both sides, in some of the most hateful, demeaning ways - both in the name of Christ.  I'm pretty sure He is saddened by both.
• Gun control opinions that completely forget about the lives lost and the people left shattered while they practice their constitutional right to be insulting.  Both sides.
• Evolution/intelligent design; new earth/old earth diatribes until I want to puke.  Both sides.
• Democrat/Republican; left/right; liberal/conservative slams and insults until I can't even process them anymore.
• Friendships end, churches split, families torn, by doctrinal issues that we should be trusting God to sort out instead of casting stones at one another about.

I've also seen and heard these same issues discussed in loving, open ways - not necessarily coming to agreement, but walking away without destroying the person on the other side.  Unfortunately, that is not very often.

And again.  Hear me.  They're important.  They need to be discussed.  But can we just stop and think about whether this is the best way to say it, the best place to say it, the best time to say it?

It's much easier to be hateful and insulting when you don't know and love someone that stands on the other side of the fence.  When we insulate ourselves from those that are radically different from us, it becomes easier to make them less-than-human, less someone Jesus loves and more someone I need to be at war with.

Why is it more important that I be right, and everyone know it, than it is that I love?

They will know us by our rightness?
They will know us by our strong arguments?
They will know us by our excellent command of the English language?
They will know us by our stunning intellect?
They will know us by our ability to cut our opponents down to size?

They will know us by our love.

Consider This

"Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith." Heb. 13:7

If I want my life to BE different, I have to live differently.  The definition of insanity?  Doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results.  

I talk to so many people who moan and lament where their life is, their spiritual walk, their kids, their friends, their health, their jobs... this list of our woes is endless.  They don't like where it is, they don't like how they feel about it, they don't like where it's going, but they do next to nothing to change their circumstances, or they quit every attempt long before victory has a chance to show itself.  I have been - who am I kidding - I am one of those people at times.

The verse I started with stuck out to me because I think this is one of the primary ways God has given us to bring about change in our lives.  Each other.  If I want something to change in some area of my life, instead of wallowing in self-pity, I need to look around.  Who is doing it like I want to do it?

Now, at this point, we hit the hard part.  

I need to go to that person - I need to be transparent...vulnerable.  "You are where I want to be.  How did you get there?"  This takes swallowing my pride and admitting to others that I don't have it all together.  Lots of us play the "humble card" - talk the talk of the one that doesn't have it all together, but we don't really put ourselves out there, in specific ways - honestly - with one another.  Bearing one another's burdens, confessing our sins, being honest about where we are and where we want to be.  

We don't put ourselves in a position of accountability.  What do I mean? Here's some examples - some I've seen, some I've done --  I want to be a better mom, but I don't want to admit to anyone the crappy choices I make in mothering.  I want to be healthier, but I don't want to confess to you the junk food I consistently eat, or the time I waste instead of investing in my health.  I want to be free of this addiction, but I don't want to admit to anyone that I have it.  I want to live a life of purity, but don't want to admit the places I put myself that are filled with impurity.  I want to live honestly, yet cannot admit my lies.  And the list is endless, really, of how we can live in self-deception.  

I heard a teacher say recently that the only way we could avoid self-deception is to have someone speaking into our lives that we trust more than we trust ourselves. And they can only speak into our lives if we're honest about where we are.  They will be people who have failed, and still fail at times, but have found a way out of the cycles of insanity we can often find ourselves trapped in.  I'm not talking about throwing up to everyone that asks how your day is going, but there is someone in each of our lives that can speak wisdom into an area of our weakness.  -- Someone who I trust to be honest with me - Someone that can help me see where I am consistently kidding myself.

The next hard part?  I have to be willing to receive the word spoken to me.  I have to be ready to hear another say it out loud - that the choices I am currently making are hurting myself and/or others and seek ways to allow God to change that in me.  So. Hard.

God gives us godly examples in scripture as well as in our faith communities to help us grow, to change, to live differently.  I pray I will learn to watch, and be accountable, honest and transparent,  to those who have gone ahead of me, not as heroes incapable of mistakes or sin, but as examples to help me in my pursuit of a life that honors our King.  

Remember

As many of you know, our family heads south to Arlington, TX every  year the week before Christmas.  For the last several years, we've taken a group from Pauls Valley and we spend the week helping out at Mission Arlington.  You can read a little about what they do here (and please do - their stories are phenomenal).  And while they are doing some amazing things there to minister in the margins, it is nothing that any of us can't be doing where we are (at least on a smaller scale) if we'll just look around and be willing to get our hands dirty.

We are so blessed each time we go and it always sets the stage for really "getting" what it is we're celebrating this time of year.  It resets my perspective back to where it should be (on the others that Jesus loves) and off of where it shouldn't be (stuff and the drama we create).  It creates a thankfulness in me that I'm not sure we can get any other way, other than giving up ourselves for a few hours/days/weeks/years and "leaking Jesus" (as Bob Goff would say) onto others.  I need the occasional "reset" and am always so encouraged and blessed while we're there.

I am, once again, encouraged to keep looking around me for where needs are - and they truly are everywhere, if we're willing to see them.  God has opened a lot of doors for us around Pauls Valley to begin ministering and I pray that I will see with His eyes where He wants that to continue growing, new ways to reach out, to bring His light into the darkness.  I pray that He continues to strip the selfishness from me and that I'll be willing to give up my stuff, my time, my pride, my feelings and get out there.  I know we occasionally get hurt or taken advantage of when we do it, but Jesus said give a cup of cold water, feed, clothe, visit - and He didn't place parameters on that.  He just said do it.  That's hard for me to remember.

I loved working alongside the adults that went with us.  I love getting to know people better - and you really get to know someone in the muck and grime of sorting through other people's cast off stuff.  :)  If you're one of the parents that entrusted your children to us for this week, you need to know that your kids are amazing.  I know they can all be normal, hormonal, drive-you-crazy teenagers, but they can also step up and serve, love, work harder than you can imagine and be a team too (and they're really funny :) ).  We saw that this week.  I am always so proud of this group of kids when they show up to make a difference.  They were/are awesome - really.  And I don't use "awesome"  lightly.

So - my encouragement to you - and to me - this Christmas season is to remember.  Remember that God stepped out of Heaven, into this dark world so we could know Him.  He has changed my life completely, and I know He's changed many of yours as well.  So, how can we step out of our comfort zones and into the darkness so that others can know Him?  What can we let go of or give up so that others can live?  Because that's what Christmas is - really.

A King and a Kingdom

There is much that I love about facebook.  It allows me to stay connected with people that I am not able to see often.  It allows me to watch my friends' kids grow up, even when we no longer live near each other.  It gives us a way to connect and encourage one another from day to day.  It allows me to connect with others that have like interests, to encourage, and hold one another accountable.  

But one of the things I really HATE about facebook is all the drama.  And it's not just from the teenagers.  Right now, much of it - probably most of it, at least that I see - is coming from the adults and their various opinions about the upcoming election.  

I generally don't find facebook to be a good forum for discussion.  It occasionally works well and I'm thrilled when I see it done successfully, but most of the time, it descends into a whirling vortex of catty remarks and ugliness - saying things about and to people that they would never speak to their face.  So I rarely voice my opinions in such a public setting - especially if I know they're likely to be controversial.  I'll save them for face-to-face discussion.  

But today, I just can't stop myself.  I have to step into the political discussion on this one point...

Tuesday night - Wednesday morning.  Let's remember who's in really in charge here.  It's not Obama.  It's not Romney.  Some of you are going to go to bed  Tuesday night looking forward to the hope that is rising because of who won the election.  Some of you will go to bed ready to pack your bags and move - (but move where exactly?), all hope lost, because of who won.  And it won't matter who won.  It'll just flip-flop on who's dealing with which feelings.  

And I'll probably have to turn facebook off for a few days lest my head explode.  Because I know that no matter who wins, I'll be barraged with all manner of horrible things being said about the winner - no matter which one it is.  Barraged with all manner of gushy, wonderful things being said about the winner - again, no matter which one it is.

When did politics become more important than being the hands and feet of Jesus?  More important than loving our neighbor?  More important than the gospel?  Or more important that remembering that that man, running for the highest office in our nation, is made in the image and likeness of God, and Jesus loves him - and He called us to love him?

I have friends that love Jesus, follow Him with abandon, and they're voting for Obama.  I have friends that love Jesus, follow Him with abandon, and they're voting for Romney.  I have friends that love Jesus, follow Him with abandon, and aren't even sure they can bring themselves to mark their ballot because they're so sickened by the state of our nation and the two weak options we have to choose from.  And I get all their arguments.  I disagree with some of them, but all of them have some valid points.

Who's right?

God is.  He's not a Democrat.  He's not a Republican.  He's not a Libertarian.  He's not an American.

So, here's my encouragement:

No matter who wins - let's keep loving each other.  Let's respect our constitution-given right to voice our opinions with passion and conviction - to disagree with one another, but to love each other.  Let's speak of and live what we believe instead of bashing the ideologies and hating the people we disagree with.  Let's not speak as if someone's spiritual walk hinges on whether they agree with our political ideologies.  Let's agree to pray for the guy that wins - even if we'd rather swallow our own tongue than watch them be sworn in as our President for the next four years.

"I urge you, first of all, to pray for all people. Ask God to help them; intercede on their behalf, and give thanks for them. Pray this way for kings and all who are in authority so that we can live peaceful and quiet lives marked by godliness and dignity. This is good and pleases God our Savior..."

If Paul can write these words when Nero sits as king - when Christians are being tortured and killed by their governing authorities, surely I can pray for Obama or Romney.

My allegiance lies with a King and His Kingdom.  Let me live like that is truth.