The Biggest Supporters in Your Life

 April 6 - Biggest Supporters in Your Life

Brian. I've already talked about this. Hands down, he's the best there is. I honestly cannot, in 40+ years of knowing him, remember a single time that he has not supported me in every way possible. The longer I know him and love him, the more I value what an honorable, good, man he is. You will not find a better person to call your friend.

Michelle. She's been among my dearest friends for nearly 33 years. I cannot count the words we have spilled between us. The laughter, tears, rages, celebrations. All of it. I worried a bit when we moved away a long time ago, that our friendship would suffer. And while it suffered in missing actual in-person presence, for sure, she has never not been there for me. She has helped me move, helped me raise my kids, helped me navigate foster care, kept loving me through all our many differences. After Brian, she is my go-to when I need to talk through almost anything.

I'll stop with these two, simply because it would take a book to go through those that have been here for me. I do not take for granted those who have held me up through the years or those I've come to trust and lean on in recent years. It is a gift to know you are loved and encouraged no matter what. 

Each of them have taught me the value of presence. The value of allowing people to be who they are, to grow, to change and to still know they are safe with you, no matter what. The value of encouragement. I pray I will be the kind of person each of these have been for me.

Your Greatest Achievement

April 5 writing prompt: Your greatest achievement:

My greatest physical achievement is probably the Manitou Incline in Manitou Springs, Colorado. Brian and I did this a couple of summers ago. We scaled 2,744 steps, gaining nearly 2,000 vertical feet in 0.9 miles, with much less oxygen than our flatlander selves are used to. It was, hands down, the hardest I've expended myself physically (other than child birth, but I really didn't have a way to get out of that one 😉) in my entire life. There were multiple moments that I honestly did not know if I'd be able to finish. But I did! 

My greatest professional achievement is becoming a certified sign language interpreter. A decision I made some 40+ years ago, this profession has been the best decision I could have made. A beautiful community of people surround me. The language itself is stunning. It is a privilege I will never take for granted to work with and for the Deaf community and world-class interpreters, both of whom I will forever look up to and continue to learn from.

What do these two things have in common? Years of preparation and commitment. Brian and I didn't just show up at the bottom of that mountain one day and run to the top. We were able to get to the top of The Incline because we have committed ourselves to a healthy lifestyle that continues to strengthen and challenge us, we've read and followed people smarter than us in the areas that interest us, we've adjusted our diets, we've changed our exercise habits. And we've done it for years. I didn't just decide to become an interpreter, take a 10-week class and start interpreting. It took years of education, of surrounding myself with folks in the Deaf community, learning from the best of the best, testing, ongoing education, workshops, reading. And work, work, work. 

Nothing worth having is easy. Pick your thing. Find your mentors. And get to work! The work is worth it.

The Best Thing That's Ever Happened to You

The best thing that's ever happened to me - good grief. I've been on this earth for over 61 years - A LOT of really profound things have happened. but hands down, everything that has passed through my brain as I've thought through this one, it's been people. Not "things" or events - but people. People change everything.

My first thought was to choose to not default to Jesus. This is a writing prompt *challenge,* after all, and that's a no-brainer answer. My second thought was that choosing Brian for my life partner or becoming a mother would also feel like cheating. But also also? I have a lot more days to go and these things matter and have indeed changed the trajectory of my life, multiple times.

We don't have much say in where and when we're born, who we're born to, what that culture is or is not - but being born in a time and place and into a family and community that allowed me to begin my journey getting to know Jesus has indeed changed and impacted every single thing since that time. My thoughts and beliefs have morphed through the years. I've shed some things that once seemed irreplaceable, and I've learned and picked up new things along the way that I never dreamed would be a priority - but the constant in all of it has been Jesus. I have never stopped believing that His words, His ways, His plan for the redemption of all things is the path I am to walk. With Peter, my mantra has become, "Lord, where else would I go?" So here I still am.

Brian. He is truly the constant for me. Always. We are as different as night and day. HIs extrovert to my introvert, his networking and making friends to my hiding in the corner with the one other person that hates small talk, his risk-taking to my need for security, his 12-year-old-boy humor to my eye-rolling. But he has never once made me feel like I should not be exactly who I am or who i am striving to become. I have been in relationship with folks (both before Brian and with colleagues, friends, etc.) that hang the health of a relationship on agreement. This is not the way to health. Ever. To be fully accepted by him as I learn and grow has been everything.

Becoming a mother. There's not enough paper. In the beginning, they shut my world down. The focus of what matters slid down into a pinpoint. As they grew and became their own person(s), they've taught me that a lot of things matter that I hadn't seen or even been aware of until their needs showed them to me. After bringing everything into pinpoint focus, they then took me to a much bigger view of the world. Some of that through pain and suffering (both theirs and mine), some of it reveling in the wild, imaginative differences God places within each of us. I am a better, kinder, more whole, more respectful person than I would ever have become without the ways they have shaped me.

People. People are the best things.

The Kindest Thing

April 2 - The Kindest Thing Someone Did For You

The "kindest" thing is a daunting prompt. My life has been filled with people that have taken the time to show me kindness when they absolutely did not have to. This has been a good exercise in thinking back through the years of so many. 

A dear colleague that reached out to mentor and encourage me when, after more than 30 years, I had to sit for my professional evaluation again. I was terrified and she made that process 1,000 times less awful. 

Friends that have sat with me through some of the hardest seasons of life, not attempting to fix anything, but just listened and were a steady presence.

Many, many long walks at the lake, lunches with Dr. Pepper and chocolate while our children played like they were completely feral. These people know who they are and literally saved my life.

My mom staying with me as we brought each child home, patiently being everything I could not be. My dad telling me his high school breakup story when my high school world felt like it would never be okay again. (Spoiler: it did indeed get better.)

Friends that know exactly when to say, "You wanna meet at the coffee shop and visit?" 

Those that have patiently walked with me, answered my questions, listened to me rant and mourn as I've walked this long wilderness journey of seeing my world get both bigger and smaller at the same time. They did not have to be patient. They did not have to answer my questions. They did not have to wait for me to finally "get it" - but they have.

Friends that just know when I'm drowning and step in to help, or send a text at exactly the right moment, or a reel or a meme that we're the only two people in the world that will think it's the best.

Friends that have sent me fancy tea, a new mug, a baby Yoda, new earrings. Each of them had no idea that the timing was perfect. 

The folks on our outreach days, both those we serve with and those we're there for - especially them. With absolutely nothing to give, they give themselves. 

Each of these have taught me to never ignore the voices that tells me to call someone, to reach out when someone comes to mind, to pick up that little thing that made me think of them, to have enough flex in my schedule to have time for the unexpected conversations. 

Because we never know when that thing we said or did is the thing that kept someone's head above water for a few more hours. That gave them a reason to keep trying. That reminded them they're not the failure they feel like they are right at that moment. 

Be kind. It matters.

The Best Thing That's Happened This Year

 April 1 -The Best Thing That's Happened This Year

The best thing that has happened so far this year has been Brian's surprise 60th birthday party. I'll start off up front with the confession that I am terrible at parties and I am terrible with crowds. My husband is fabulous with both of those things and I knew he would love an event like what we ended up throwing for him. So I dove into the planning! 

My next confession would be that I hate lying. And there's no way to plan a surprise party for someone you spend nearly every minute of everyday with without lying. A lot. But guess what? Apparently, while I hate it, I'm pretty good at it! 🤣

It ended up being such a joy to pull together folks that have impacted and been impacted by Brian's six decades of life. Seeing so many of these people together in one place at one time, to hear their words of joy and encouragement, their laughter as we recalled so many funny memories together --

What. A. Joy. ❤️

These people have stood with us through all manner of joy and hardship, tough times and easy, flourishing and wilderness. I was reminded, once again, that God never intended us to live this life alone. He means for us to thrive in community. And the community we have been blessed with all along the way -- it has morphed, sure, but so many have stayed the course with us. And it is absolutely life giving. 

Life is often hard, but hang on to your people. 

Even if you're as bad at it as I am, make up reasons to have a party with the people you love. Hug them. Share good food and drink. Tell them how much they mean to you, and be specific. Tell them you love them. Loud and often. Make it weird.

We may not get out of here alive, and some seasons are unspeakably difficult, but we do not have to be here alone. For this, I am grateful.

Be On Your Way

 "The Lord said to Samuel, “How long will you mourn for Saul, since I have rejected him as king over Israel? Fill your horn with oil and be on your way;..." 1 Samuel 16:1

This was a tiny portion of the Old Testament reading last Sunday. It leapt off the page as I was reading it early that morning before most were up and moving around. I've talked in the past about grief. It is real and it should not be ignored. We must give ourselves time to face those emotions, to be honest about them, both with ourselves and with others. There is no shame in grief. And there is no shame in how long it might take us to move through it. So let me preface the coming thoughts by saying THAT is not what I'm musing on in this particular post.

In this section of the Old Testament reading, Samuel was still stuck in his expectations of Saul as king of Israel. He was not originally on board with the whole idea of an earthly king for Israel and spoke that to his people pretty honestly. But once Saul became king, he seemed to get on board. As time went on and Saul repeatedly showed Samuel who he was: proud, stubborn, willful... Samuel did not let go - it seems he could not move past Saul's failure. God made it clear that He was moving on - that Saul was not the king He would bless, yet Samuel was not following in step with God's next steps. And here's what we hear: "How long will you mourn?... Fill your horn and be on your way." -- Get on with reality! Not what you want it to be -- What. It. IS.

How often do you find your expectations of others to be a bit unrealistic? How often do you find yourself sitting in a deep sorrow - and truth be told, as you evaluate it, much of that sorrow is rooted in the fact that you are expecting far more from people, or maybe a particular person, than they are able to give - or have even shown a willingness or an interest in giving?

This girl. I do this.

So often.

I've spent the last several years recognizing that I need to lower my expectations of others - yet still find myself there, over and over again. I've also found that part of the reason I do that is because it begins with me -- I place extremely unrealistic expectations on my own self. Yes, there is *some* truth to the adage that people rise to the level of your expectation -- but those expectations must be grounded in reality. A portion of the Serenity Prayer that I had never heard until a few years ago says, "Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it,..." THIS is reality.

There are times that people will fail us in spectacular ways.

There are times that the future we imagined will shatter in to a million tiny, jagged pieces right in front of us. 

There will be times that we simply want what will never happen - others, with their own free will, do not do what we want and they likely never will.

There will be times that we want something, based on our own prejudices or skewed opinions or lack of knowledge, that should not be.

These circumstances, and these people, are not in our control. Ever. So what do we do?

It's okay to grieve the death of that dream, the shattering of that expectation, the confusion of realizing we are wrong. It is good to sit with it and follow it to it's root. If not, it will likely never heal, we will not grow any wiser. 

BUT...

Then what? "Fill your horn with oil and be on your way."

Do what I know to do next. Take the next step. Look at reality as. it. IS. - Not as I would have it to be. 

Facing what IS, what is the wisest next step forward? Then do that.

And keep doing that.

Samuel continued to be puzzled, even has he filled his horn and moved forward. His expectations had to be adjusted and changed on the fly, until he FINALLY saw what God was trying to show him. He stayed open. Flexible. Willing to see past his own expectations and presuppositions. To let God surprise him.

I really believe that when I'm willing to let go of all of that, He will show me things I would never have come up with on my own. Better things.

When I let people be who they've shown themselves to be, we can all move forward in reality - even when that reality may be excruciatingly hard.

I have to let go of what I expect people to be and face what they are.

I have to let go of how I want a particular circumstance to end up going, and face what is actually happening.

God is God. I am not.

So, I'll pick up my horn - and be on my way.

Perplexed

"Perplexed, but not in despair" ~ 2 Cor. 4:8 

I read this early this morning and it was exactly what this often weary, perplexed heart needed. I've spent much of my life wrestling with the need to be certain - about most everything. And while I'm learning to let go of this and rest easier in, "I don't know," I can easily find myself sidetracked when I'm not practicing mindfulness and presence.

• I want to know. 
• I want to fix.
• I want to control.
• I want to understand.
• I want answers.

But here's real life: I do not know. I cannot fix it. I cannot control it. I may never understand. I may never get an answer.

I can tuck-and-roll my way from perplexed to despair in record speed. -- OR -- I can also choose to rest in the perplexity. Perplexity may often not be the final destination, but it also will not be an uncommon space in this life. Being perplexed, confused, filled with doubts, does not mean God is not still faithful and present.

I am not God. None of us are. To think we can fully know Him is hubris. To think we are capable of controlling circumstances or other people is utter foolishness. To constantly strive to be more, and more yet again, is a battle that will ultimately kill us. Yet, we strive, don't we?

I can remain open to learning, to understanding, to the new and previously unknown. I can unclench my fists, open my hands and my heart. Let go. I can choose to speak gently to myself and others as I wait. I can choose hope, even in perplexity.

May it be so.

Perplexed, but not in despair.