The Way of Jesus

Yesterday was hard. Yesterday felt like that prayer would never be answered. That battle would never be won. That Boundary would forever be a struggle to maintain. That person will always be hard. Yesterday felt angry. Hurt. Yesterday I wanted to be snarky. I wanted to give as good as I got.

And then God brought today. I love how He so beautifully weaves life together. I can continue in my self-pity or my anger or my unforgiveness. I can. But it will not be for lack of God placing beautiful reminders before me - ways of escape - better paths - ways of peace. 

This morning's readings during worship? Joseph and the forgiveness he extended to his brothers, a Psalm reminding me not to be provoked, and Jesus gently reminding us that we will be forgiven in the same ways we forgive. His way is radical, extravagant, crazy love. 

Ugh.

Our pastors had a water basin at the front and encouraged us to come pour out our souls, our pain, our struggles to Him this morning. They've never done this before. And honestly, as she began to explain it, I felt just a nudge of irritation. Not at my pastor - she's lovely. But at God. That He just won't let things go! I sat for a bit - thinking perhaps I could just let it slide this time - wallow a bit longer. But I couldn't. I approached the basin, still kinda angry, still wanting to be snarky and mouthy, but knowing I needed to figure out how to live in shalom - no matter how I am treated. I wanted God to show me how that looks. How do I set safe, smart, wise boundaries and still show the radical, extravagant, crazy love of Jesus? When I got up to the basin - I saw a pile of rocks had been placed in the bottom and here is what God said to me - ever so gently:

"Pour it all out on the the Rock. On Me. It is not yours. He is not yours. He is Mine. Stop trying to fix it. Stop trying to find the right words. Stop. Pour it all out. Here. This morning."

So I did. I'm sure I'll have to do that thousands of more times. Because the truth is, some of those battles will go on for a long, long time. Some people may always be hard. I may have to gently, lovingly, give reminders of that Boundary forever. I may spend my life learning and re-learning what it looks like, practically, to turn the other cheek, to walk the extra mile, to love as I'd want to be loved, to forgive as Christ. This may be the way of it. And that's okay.

We end our services every week by coming to the Table. We partake of the bread. The wine. We enter into His suffering, His life. His resurrection. We partake of His life and we do it together. We are all on level ground before Him. None is better than another - no matter what our week leading up to this moment has looked like, no matter where we are in our walk with Him, no matter how long we've walked with Him (if that walk started decades ago, yesterday, or even tomorrow), no matter our history. His forgiveness is for us all. His forgiveness allows me to let go. His forgiveness allows me to walk in peace. Shalom.

I can walk out this radical, extravagant, crazy way of Jesus because He is with me and because He has not left me alone.