mel-an-chol-y

mel·an·chol·y

   [mel-uhn-kol-ee]  Show IPA noun,plural -chol·ies, adjective

noun

1.

a gloomy state of mind, especially when habitual or prolonged; depression.

2.

sober thoughtfulness; pensiveness.

pen·sive

   [pen-siv]  Show IPA

adjective

1.

dreamily or wistfully thoughtful: a pensive mood.

2.

expressing or revealing thoughtfulness, usually marked by some sadness


That'd be me... Why, you ask?

Because this girl:

And this boy:

Just like maybe two weeks ago, were these kids:

And this last week, they both moved out - again.


Both seem much more final this time.  Erin will get married in May, so she won't be moving back home.  Luke moved into an apartment, so it just seems much more final - like he's all grown up and settled on his own. 


I know this is the natural way of things.  We've prepared them.  They love Jesus.  They're great kids and they're making good life choices.  So why does this make me meloncholy, pensive, sad?


I think it's because I miss the little things....  Knowing how their days unfold, the things that made them laugh today, the things that may make them cry tomorrow, the funny stories, the people they meet, the things they're learning... that kinda stuff.


I've always known all of that.  And they still share much of that with me, but it's in a summarized "it-was-really-cool-at-the-time-but-now-I-can't-remember-everything-I-wanted-to-tell-you" kind of way.


And, again, I know this is the natural way of things.  But, wow, it's hard to let go.  Hard to trust that you've done the best you knew to do - mistakes and all.  Trusting that God is bigger than the stuff that will come their way.  He's bigger than the mistakes they will make.  He has a good and perfect plan for them and it's better than anything I can dream up.


Maybe I've still got as much growing up to do as they do... :)


But - I still have one at home:

And bless his only-child-at-home heart - all my need to mother children, and only one to pour it out on!

Here's My Life

"We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well,"  - I Thess. 2:8

I've been thinking about this verse for several days now.  What does it mean to minister?  to serve?  to be about building the Kingdom of God in this world?

I think this is what it means - if I'm not looking for ways to share my life with those that I minister to, investing myself into others, then it's probably busy work.  Most of it will be ashes on the floor when I stand before God one day (I Cor. 3:10-15).

And there's the kicker.  It's hard to invest my life.  It's much easier to invest my money; even my time and my energy - but to invest my life?  Then I can get hurt, I can be rejected.  It gets messy.  People are messy.  I am messy.

But - I think that's what it means.

So, I'm looking at what I spend my money, time, energy on - to see if I'm investing me - or investing right up to that point that I have to become vulnerable, and then stopping.

I'd love to hear your thoughts.