Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Rantings of a Crazy Woman

Words from someone I know:

I am so incredibly proud of the adults my kids are becoming.  I just want to stand back/hands off and watch what God is going to do with them.

I am so fearful of the future and want to control every decision my children make.  I am sure they are incapable of making a better decision that I would make.

I love the Body of Christ and the community God has placed me in.  The fellowship with them is absolutely what gets me through many, many days.

I am so tired of people and their idiosyncrasies.  I'd be much happier removed from all of this.

I love my family, my kids, my husband.

These people are making me absolutely crazy.  I could live on a mountain top all by myself, and everyone would be much better off.

I'm so excited for my daughter's wedding - it is going to be a beautiful celebration of what God has done.  Can't wait to celebrate this occasion with family and friends.

I'm so freaked about this wedding.  We will never get things done right - and Oh. My. Gosh. My baby girl is getting married!  Some man is stepping in and taking over my job!

I feel pretty level-headed, clear-thinking.  Ready to make some life decisions, pursue some new passions, really live out what God has called me to.

I am absolutely out of my mind.  Memory is shot.  Emotions are off the charts.  No one should trust me to make a decision.  Ever.

I feel better physcially that I did 10 years ago - I can do this getting older thing.

I'm going to be in a Home, being fed with a spoon within the next five years - I'm sure of it.

                                                     * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Can you imagine living with this woman?  

Worse yet, can you imagine living in the head of this woman?

That's where I am.

Haven't written much lately because I feel like no one would want to hear the rantings of a crazy woman.  

No one told me that middle-age would feel like this.  That letting go of your children would be this hard.  That your emotions can have so much control over your thinking processes as you approach "that age".  That life can feel like such a roller coaster ride.  

My life verse right now:

"For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does.  The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.  We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." II Cor. 10:3-5

I spend much of my life right now trying to think outside of my own head.  Listen for truth rather than listening to what my crazy head is telling me.  Pray that I will allow God to be bigger than the insanity.  Remind myself that God created me and He knows that I'm a nut job right now and that it is just a season.  And I run.   I'm sure God is using that right now to work out much of the stress and give me time to pray and process.

So for those of you that don't have the good fortune to just read what I say occasionally, but have to actually live around me - I'm sorry.  They tell me this will pass.


  1. OK, we should have a girl's weekend where we can let our crazy hang out and not be judged. I've said and felt all of these things and it will pass, sort of.

    I'm not sure I'll ever get used to missing my kids...

    Thanks for sharing!! AND you're not crazy, I promise. :-)